Monday, 29 October 2012

15 months, 10 days, bad night, but better days

All and all I'd say that lately things have been improving a bit (that's in the last week or so...following a rough month or two).  I even made it through a "weekend without my husband".  Something I could NOT have done a year ago - NO WAY.  He is my "safety net".  He keeps me sane at moments of pseudo-insanity.  But I was fine.  Sure I had moments...but I have moments even when he is by my side. 

Then there is today:  Wow. 

Around 4pm, while watching Ellen with my daughter and parents, it all began. 

My back felt hot and though it was burning, or on fire. 

Chills set in.  Deep cold...right down to the bone.

Had to urinate time and time again (as I call the "nervous pees"). 

Adrenaline in my chest and the pit of my stomach.  Gurgles began. 

3 hours pass and no relief.  Then another hour and's all gone.

Relieved, I sat on the sofa and happily sang with my daughter and watched her do homework and carve a pumpkin, when it hit.

A brief wave of nausea.

Then another.

The waves began to melt into one large tidal wave.

Now I have cried for 2+ hours.

And after 2+ hours of crying and feeling the intense urge to dry heave, the nausea finally begins to subside.

Only to bring on new things.

Burning skin on my face (feels like my cheeks are on fire).

Neck is covered with a hundred prickles (or feels that way).

Scalp is so itchy I have almost caused it to bleed.

And now the electrical zaps in my pelvis, stomach and chest.

I have read of those who have one last INTENSE surge of withdrawal effects and then wake up "healed".  I hope every time I get hit like this that I will wake up tomorrow feeling like "100% Sarah".

Tonight is a bump in the road once again.  And it's still as scary as it was a year just doesn't last as long.

100% Sarah will come when she is ready.  


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