Monday, 24 September 2012

3am...Never a Good Thing

3am wake up call.  I woke up feeling insanely hungry.  I smiled to myself as I assumed it was morning and I had successfully slept through the night.  But quickly realized when I noticed how dark the room was that it wasn't at all morning.  And that's when it happened.  My stomach flipped, a lump came to my throat, my heart beat so loudly it sounded like drums in my ears, and out of bed I flew...literally flew.

Now I sit in the basement behind my laptop.  I'm shivering and my stomach is rumbling.  I am scared out of my mind and would give anything to call a family member, friend, or wake my husband.  This isn't a fun way to begin the week.  My hands are shaking and my body is freezing.  My back is covered in the shingles-like prickles and I'm frozen with fear. 

My stomach hurts and the gurgling is nothing short of ridiculous.  Something I know often happens when I'm this anxious.  My throat is raspy and burning and I believe that during my panic episodes I seem to get a type of heart it often leaves me with a weak voice.

I just wish I could wake my husband.  Nothing is worse than sitting through this alone.  I often wonder how people do it without support. 

I keep hoping this is my last night-time post.  I hope that day comes soon.  I hope this isn't me. 

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