Sunday, 15 July 2012

Unrelenting Nausea...Again

It's 7:55pm and we just had a great day.  It's Sunday.  We stayed in our pj's till 3pm.  Then we went to the beach with our daughter and 2 of her good friends - fun times were had by all.  I came home hungry.  My appetite has been almost non-existent this past week so it was nice to feel hunger.  After a quick shower, I reheated a bowl of my whole wheat pasta with homemade tomato and basil sauce.  Delicious.  And now I feel like being sick.  This is how my week has been. 

I am frustrated.

More than frustrated.

I just had a good 10 minute DEEP cry - many Kleenex were used.

I am trying to tell myself, "Sarah, this won't never might not have any nausea tomorrow or the day after".  But this has been going on for 2 weeks now...not to mention the 1-2 years of nausea prior to today.  I think I've had a day break here or there, but all and all I've been hit with nausea most days. 

Frustrated doesn't even really begin to touch how I feel right now.  I wish I could scream once - very loudly - and it would all end.  All the withdrawal symptoms that take forever to diminish completely would just go away like a puff of smoke in the air. 

I don't think it's going to be that easy.

I'm really hoping year 2 is "the year".  The year I can say good-bye to all of this and really begin to embrace life.  Things have been looking up for quite some time...I just hope there aren't too many more setbacks. 

I just read a kind response I received on a forum I visit for Benzo withdrawal support.  There, the person was celebrating their "2 years free".  I was told by this member that it wasn't until 18 months off that he felt real improvement...and this was a man that took benzos for only 8 weeks...8 weeks on them, 12 weeks to taper off of them...but 2 years of sickness, pain and mental block once off of them.  But it did all go away eventually...the nausea, the pains, the fear - all of it.  His response could not have come at a better time.  It made me cry more.  And he gave me hope once again.  

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