It's 7:55pm and we just had a great day. It's Sunday. We stayed in our pj's till 3pm. Then we went to the beach with our daughter and 2 of her good friends - fun times were had by all. I came home hungry. My appetite has been almost non-existent this past week so it was nice to feel hunger. After a quick shower, I reheated a bowl of my whole wheat pasta with homemade tomato and basil sauce. Delicious. And now I feel like being sick. This is how my week has been.
I am frustrated.
More than frustrated.
I just had a good 10 minute DEEP cry - many Kleenex were used.
I am trying to tell myself, "Sarah, this won't last...it never does...you might not have any nausea tomorrow or the day after". But this has been going on for 2 weeks now...not to mention the 1-2 years of nausea prior to today. I think I've had a day break here or there, but all and all I've been hit with nausea most days.
Frustrated doesn't even really begin to touch how I feel right now. I wish I could scream once - very loudly - and it would all end. All the withdrawal symptoms that take forever to diminish completely would just go away like a puff of smoke in the air.
I don't think it's going to be that easy.
I'm really hoping year 2 is "the year". The year I can say good-bye to all of this and really begin to embrace life. Things have been looking up for quite some time...I just hope there aren't too many more setbacks.
I just read a kind response I received on a forum I visit for Benzo withdrawal support. There, the person was celebrating their "2 years free". I was told by this member that it wasn't until 18 months off that he felt real improvement...and this was a man that took benzos for only 8 weeks...8 weeks on them, 12 weeks to taper off of them...but 2 years of sickness, pain and mental block once off of them. But it did all go away eventually...the nausea, the pains, the fear - all of it. His response could not have come at a better time. It made me cry more. And he gave me hope once again.