As well as I am doing, I still have "those days" or "those nights". Tonight is a rough one. I'm not overly anxious, though minutes ago my heart raced and I shot out of bed - holding my iPod in hand as I quickly walked to the living room sofa. I curled up and cried.
I am itchy. It's an itch I have only experienced with Benzo withdrawal. It's a deep itch that I refer to as "internal itching". Tonight is the worst I have ever had it. From my rib cage, down to my pelvis and lower back, everything itches and almost burns. However, when I scratch or rub the area, there is nothing...no relief. The itch has become so bad that I am almost grinding my teeth and it feels as though my organs are swelling as the itch intensifies. And with the itch comes nerve pain - a type of pain reminiscent of shingles. It's all over my back and arms. Like tiny needles pricking me over one quarter of my body at once.
I know this will end like everything else, but at 2:52am - with a party and recital to go to tomorrow - this is not welcomed. I am frustrated and would love to run to my bedroom, wake up my husband, and cry. Instead I rub my body on the sofa hoping to get some relief.
I am now 11 months and 4 days off of Benzodiazepines and still my Central Nervous System works hard to recover the damage these little prescribed pills caused. I am angry tonight and have felt agitated all evening for whatever reason. Perhaps my body knew hours ago that it was in for quite the night.
It's just another 2am hurdle...hopefully the last hurdle is soon to come.