Thursday, 19 April 2012

Positivity, Distraction, Dreaming and a Wish List...

Sometimes when I feel particularly fed up with this withdrawal experience, I try to think of something to perk me up.  One thing I am going to start doing is a "Sketch A Day".  I got the idea from the famous tattoo artist Kat Von D.  She posts a "Sketch A Day" on her Facebook page and her pencil sketches are something to be admired.  I've always enjoyed drawing - I remember taking art classes as a young girl.  And now that my daughter is 8 years old and beginning to show more interest in "perfecting" her drawing skills, I am noticing that love is still there inside of me.  So today I purchased a small sketch book and pencils at the local dollar store.  For a whopping $3.00, I have my new hobby read to begin. 

I'm also learning to "give the finger" to my lingering side effects.  Some days it's easier than others.  As I type this, my tongue is cracked and sore and the nausea is somewhat relentless...however, POSITIVE I will be!  When I feel things brewing and I can tell a wave is ready to set in, I try to say "Screw You!" and walk it off.  I'll garden for an hour or two, and even though my stomach turns every time I bend down to pull a weed, I just continue.  I know I won't throw up - it's all sensations - so I breath through it and move on.  When I can feel tears coming on but have to go somewhere public and there is no time to cry, I just go and finish what needs to be done, and then reward myself with a GOOD cry when I'm home and in my safe place.  I let it ALL out.  I scream into a pillow if need be.  It feels great.

And then there are the "wish lists" - a perfect distraction.  I've made many since the days I was tapering from Benzos.  My husband and I often play the "what would you do if we won the lottery" game.  Our lists includes things such as paying off our mortgage, providing for our daughter's future...and then the "fun stuff" such as a new camera or a new tattoo (okay, those are my ideas).  It's fun to dream, and the act of writing it out as a list is unbelievably therapeutic.  So what would be on my list?  Keep in mind this is ONLY the fun stuff.

A new husband and I love taking photos and I've always wanted to make it a hobby of sorts.  Although I'm not looking at the top of the line DSLR camera - something a little more "fancy" would be fun!

A new tattoo...or two.  I have 6 tattoos and love each of them.  I have ideas for a few more and would love to begin getting some new work done in the near future!  This photo is of my most recent - a peacock I had done last Spring on my forearm.

Sterling silver jewellery.  I love it - especially rings and necklaces.  My favourites are Gothic or Bohemian inspired pieces.

Some new "bohemian/hippie" flowing dresses to go with my new "natural, med-free, hippie-like" way of life.  A perfect match for the earth-loving girl in me.

It's fun to dream, and as long as you don't take it too seriously the frustration won't set it.  I think dreaming got me through some very rough days this past year or two. 

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