Saturday, 10 March 2012

Celebrate The Good Moments.

I began to think my last wave of physical and mental side effects were more than likely hormone related, however it seemed as though I wasn't going to catch a break and the symptoms just kept flooding in.  Although my sleep has been more adequate, the panic attacks came back and were reminiscent of the ones I experienced during my taper.  This past week was another tough one, but it's another tough one that didn't take me down completely.  So if I do the addition, I've been going through the throes of benzodiazepine withdrawal for 76 weeks (that's not including the year I was ill while still on the Clonazepam).  So...

Sarah =76
Benzo Beast = 0


I was concerned I wouldn't feel very good this weekend, and it's a weekend I REALLY wanted to feel good.  My husband and I were to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary on March 9th.  Originally, we had thought of having a big party at our home with ALL of our friends.  However, with not knowing when I'll be nauseous, we decided to hold off for now.  Parties can happen any time.  Our daughter went to stay with my mom and dad for 2 nights - she was equally as excited as we were.  

So what did we do???  We...relaxed.  There was a period of 24 hours where I felt REALLY good.  We played music, we talked about our "dream list" for our home.  We went out for a tea.  We window shopped.  We ate yummy food at home instead of eating out.  We watched reruns of Star Trek (Okay, not my first choice, but if you could see how happy it makes him...).  

I decorated the home with cheesy balloons and rose petals and painted a large banner for the front of our home that welcomed him home from work and let the world know we were married for 10 years...or at least our neighbours.  He appreciated my cheesy approach...and he helped me sweep up the rose petals later that evening as the mess actually really bothered me. 

And then he decided to bake a frozen pizza.  He brought one up from the downstairs freezer and as he opened the box, he let out a cry, "OH NO!".  So I quickly walked into the kitchen expecting to find mould all over the pizza.  What I found instead was a perfectly frozen pizza, and on the perfectly frozen pizza was a shiny red box wrapped in a gold bow.  Cue the "AWE's".  I smiled and shrugged and then proceeded to carefully open the present.

Inside the pretty red box with the gold bow, was a BEAUTIFUL necklace.  Made out of "Blue Goldstone" and surrounded by sterling silver, it is PERFECT.  The Goldstone looks like a trillion stars and that is what makes it so perfect.  My husband adores astronomy.  He knows so much about the stars and he can often be found gazing up into the sky at night.  Now I have a little piece of what he loves around my neck.  It is beautiful.  

We thoroughly enjoyed our 10th wedding anniversary.  I am fortunate to have met a man who is my best friend.  We met when I backpacked in Europe and we fell in love very quickly.  We got engaged after being PHYSICALLY together for only 16 days.  We married and had our daughter before we bought a home (spending the first few years of married in my parents basement).  And now here we are today.  

We love each other stronger than ever before, and as he has respect for my strength and determination while taking my health into my own hands these past 2 years, I have respect for him for his commitment to me and his overall passion for life and the people in his life.  He's a truly beautiful man inside and out and I feel fortunate to be married to him and look forward to at least another 50 years together.

I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.
Bayard Taylor

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