Monday, 16 January 2012

When It Settles...

When it all settles.  When my body finally begins to settle from hours on end of discomfort and adrenaline, it's as though my entire body takes a huge sigh of relief.  It's 1am and I can't sleep.  The adrenaline rushes today have been the most intense I've had in months.  Nausea, chills, dizziness and fear all come on me in a matter of seconds and for only a matter of minutes, takes over me and it leaves me frozen in fear.  So now I struggle to sleep in fear it will come back.  But just now, I had that "sigh".  It's a feeling that's equally as hard to describe as the feeling of panic...but so much better to experience.  My legs become warm - a soothing warm.  They are heavy and tired.  My eyes become droopy and relaxed.  My arms feel "happy" and although filled with pins and's a comforting pins and needles.  My breathing finally becomes quieter and it slows down.  And for a few minutes, all seems okay again.  As though things are going to be just fine and you'll never suffer again.  A tired smile comes across my face and I think I'm ready to sleep. 

And as I drift off, I'll listen to my music that helps me think of nice things.  Waterfalls, swimming and laying in the sun.  Birds chirping, my garden...a secret garden.  Warmth and happiness.  Good Night.

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