Friday, 27 January 2012

Good Night...

It's almost midnight...time for bed.  It's incredible what happens to me physically at bedtime.  I have not gone to bed "comfortably" for over 2 years.  I fear it.  Interestingly enough, I clearly remember that as a teenager, I also feared bedtime.  It happened when I began taking medication.  And it wasn't a fear of the boogeyman or the monsters lurking underneath my bed...but a fear of "missing out".  I didn't want to sleep.  Because if I slept, then what could I possibly miss?  What if I died tomorrow?  Then wouldn't I want that one more night to live?  Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind each night.

Now, I don't know what it is.  I'm just scared.  My stomach turns and gurgles.  I become dizzy and short of breath.  I shiver and shake and want to cry.  I hate going to bed.  I wish I loved it, because in the end, sleep is SO good.  So I will go for now.  Just a short post to "free my mind" of my fears before bed.  I hope for a peaceful sleep tonight, without the adrenaline or the vivid nightmares that haunted me last night.

Good Night.

"Most people do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience - unless they are still up."  ~Ellen Goodman

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