Sunday, 11 December 2011

Frustrated.

It's 12:35pm on a Sunday.  I am ready to throw in the towel.  The nausea is so bad and I have spent the morning pacing the house, curling up on the couch, crying and dry heaving over the toilet and kitchen sink.  I knew things could be difficult during withdrawal, but I was not expecting this.  One minute I think I should be hospitalized, the next I want to pack up and leave my home, then I think my husband should leave for an hour so he doesn't have to watch me cry and ask him the same questions over and over and over again.  I cannot fathom one more day like this, and yet for all I know I could have weeks of this left.  How will I be able to finish my Christmas shopping?  Or even enjoy Christmas morning for that matter?  It could be over by then, but I can't help but wonder if I'll still be in the thick of it. 

This is by far the most hopeless and frustrated I have felt since my 10 month taper.  I am sick and tired of feeling physically ill, and having to break down in front of my family.  I don't want to think about how long this could continue to go on for...and yet I can't help but wonder.  I'm angry I never researched the possible long-term effects of these pills.  The one thing I never researched, is the one thing that could potentially (and did) do the most damage.

There's not much else to say today.  I just hope this will eventually reach people who are thinking of going on Benzodiazepines.  The short-term relief you can get from these meds is NOT worth the long-term damage it can create. 

1 comment:

  1. **HUG**

    Hang in there Sarah. This sucks, but the people in your life care for you and know this will pass. You are SO strong, even when you cry and cry and cry. You are doing something I am unsure I could ever do. I will have faith for you today, when you are lacking and give it back to you tomorrow :)

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