Today I felt alive. After days...well, weeks...make that months...of feeling stomach pain, nausea, adrenaline and all over "yuck", I had a break. My husband and I went out for an afternoon date, leaving my daughter at home with my parents. We ventured out to a cute little bar in a nearby city where we ate, drank and looked at the artwork of our tattoo artist. The art was awesome, the music was fantastic and my husband's company was...perfect.
About an hour into our adventure I felt all the side effects begin to subside, and by two hours in most were non-existent. It was bliss. I had a skip to my step, and my laughter was loud and GENUINE. It was a glimpse into the future and it was wonderful. I know it may not last (most of my stomach issues and anxiety have since returned this evening), but it was a much needed and appreciated break and it gives me the one thing we ALL too easily lose from time to time in any situation - hope.
Benzo withdrawal has proven to be a roller coaster of a ride and it makes many unwanted stops along the way. I have learned to never take things for granted and to truly appreciate the littlest of things. I have become a much stronger person because of the experience. I have the chance to help others with their journey and to be of comfort to those who need it. I love stronger than I ever have. My marriage - that never really lost it's spark - has only gained through this experience. I love deeper, cry harder and laugh louder. And I've learned there is always something positive (or many positives) that come out of something so very negative.